Bye-Bye Baby

I don’t mean to write this tonight, but I can’t sleep and am cramping quite bad. I meant to write this only for my own memory, even if it’s an unpleasant one.

I’m miscarrying.

I was passing blood clots earlier today, and decided to get myself checked. And true enough the fetus has stopped growing and the sac is collapsing. Being somewhat prepared for the news, I was OK in the beginning, until Mr. Hubs called. He’s been saying before he left for Turkmenistan, if ever we’re gonna lose the baby, the most he’s worried about is my emotional state. True enough, he was speechless for the first few seconds when he heard I was in tears.

Truthfully, I never expected I would feel this bad seeing other people who have experienced miscarriage get through it rather easily. Obviously I didn’t know what was going on behind the scene. I guess when we want something so badly, and losing it so quickly, it will never be easy. 

I know I’m gonna miss Mr. Hubs touching my tummy while reciting the quran almost every early morning.

As of now, I am just to wait for the miscarriage to complete on its own. If it doesn’t, and if it can wait, doc prefers to wait for Mr. Hubs to be home this weekend for the d&c. 

I thank you all for the kind words. I pray for another rezeki soon, and I believe Allah knows what’s best for us.

The Worrier

I have been worried sick since last week. When I was pregnant with Imtiyaz, I have never bled. And I have been bleeding for about a week already. The blood flow varies from light to medium.

I went for a scan last Monday and Friday and the fetus is growing as it should, eventhough the date obviously is a bit off coz the size shows its only 7 weeks old. If based on my last menses, it should be 9+ weeks already.

And Mr. Hubs is far away in Turkmenistan since last Wednesday, so it has been an emotional torture to be facing all these alone. He’s been supportive from afar of course, calling as often as he could and making sure he gets every update. I just hope he can come home earlier than scheduled.

Pray for  me, dear friends. As much as I’m hoping the baby would grow beautifully and the pregnancy go smooth, I know I have to prepare myself for any consequences.

 

The morning was beautiful…

… until I banged a car in front of me at the traffic light! We’re okay, the car’s okay, but I managed to leave some cracks on the bumper of the other car.

Let’s hope the damage done is not too much. I could use the money to get the silver flats I planned to buy tomorrow! Hehehe.

Am off to Malacca tomorrow – since Mr. Hubs has to attend a course there. So it’s a straight 6 days off! Yeay!

 

p.s. This photo was taken at Studio Mudio by Azman Hizam. We had a great time, eventhough all of us cringed and whined about not knowing how to pose! Thanks so much to mummy-o too!

Surat Cinta

My colleague shared with me this love letter her 12-year-old son received recently, and I just had to share it here!

Sapa pandai, cuba teka ‘kapal’ tu apa? Hehehe.

The C Word

It’s devastating when you emailed a colleague who is on sick leave for quite some time to ask how she’s doing, and the reply is this :

Thanks for asking. I have breast cancer and currently undergoing chemo so I won’t be back to work until July or August.

Don’t worry! I’ll take good care of myself! Miss u all so much!

Thankfully, the colleague – aged 28, is very positive about it. I’m sure she’s strong to fight!